Acceptance

Well, again I must stay it has been a long time since I have posted on this blog. I love to share my thoughts, but I seem to have a difficult time taking the time to actually sit and type out my thoughts.

2010 has been a much better year than 2009. I have begun examining myself in a new way. How is it that I can improve myself to be a more confident person and be more of an instrument for Christ. Over the last couple of months I have begun to step outside of myself and see how I interact with others. Beyond that I have friends, who for the first time in my life, have the chutzpa to call me out on the things that I need to improve in my life. Let me tell you it is really hard to take the "criticism" as loving and caring, and usually it ends up with me shedding a few tears. I hate that part, but I know that is part of the healing and growing process. No pain -- No gain.

So, I know that I need to change and I am beginning to see parts of things in my life that need to change, but how do you change habits in your life that you have fostered for years! How do I stay true to myself and who I was created to be yet not make poor choices in the process.

So, one area that I really struggle with is boundaries. Boundaries within work, friendships, family, and even within my walk with God. What is my motivator? What is making me push and have unhealthy boundaries? Why am I allowing myself to fill all the empty spaces in my life with "stuff", even good "stuff"? I think the bottom line is acceptance. I want to be liked and accepted by my friends. I want my boss to trust me and know that I am a go getter and that I will work hard to get the job done -- at any cost. I want to have a "normal" family life -- that is far fetched because what family is normal, but still...it is a struggle. When the rubber hits the road I ultimately want God to accept me. I strive to do go so that He will look upon me with favor.

Where did this idea ever come from? If I did not go above and beyond to help people would they still like me? Most likely...yes. If I did not shower the guy I liked with expensive gifts and kind letters would we have still ended up together? Probably. So why do I go overboard!

I have been given a big heart that genuinely cares for people and now, after 27 years it is time for me to truly learn how to care for myself and then care for others.

Jonah -- Family Night

Hello!

This morning as I sat to do my bible reading I was feeling like I just wanted to read a story, so I read the book of Jonah. My heart was greatly touched by it. I realized that I am often like Jonah. I run from God's will for my life, I fall on my face, and coming running back like a puppy with my tail between my legs. I follow his will and then fall right back into a place of complaining and doubt. What it is about being human with our sinful nature that makes us think that we are better than God?

I was also stunned by what a powerful testimony Jonah was for God even in his running away from God. The others on the boat realized that God is THE God through the power and might that God put forth in the storm. In our terms today we would say that they "accepted". This also brought me a sense of comfort because even in Jonah's disobedience God still used it to bring others to Himself.

I pray that I have the strength and obedience to follow Christ now matter what and stop running in the other direction, but I know that God is with me and He is always at work!

Praise God!

Last night was the Family Night kick-off for the 2009 - 2010 year. Everything went so smoothly -- I think. I was in heaven. I walked in with two of my favorite children...Calvin and Shannon. After Dad left Shannon was having a hard time and was the one who got to calm her down. I love that girl so much! Shortly after she was born I went to Israel and I was afraid that she wouldn't get to know me the way her brother did, but those doubts were short lived. I feel so blessed to have those children in my life.

This is Shannon. Isn't she just adorable!

No Greater Love

This is Isaac Mathew Samuelson. Born to Mat and Anne Samuelson. September 17, 2009 1:35pm 6lbs 15oz 19inches. He is happy and healthy!

Today I was hit with a greater understanding of what love is. As I mentioned before, my very good friend, Anne, just had a baby. She and her husband, Mat, brought the baby into the church to visit everyone. After all the excitement settled Anne and I were talking about the overwhelming love that she has for Isaac, her son. It is unexplainable and overwhelming. I can't even imagine the amount of love that she has for him because I feel a great amount of love for him too. But what hit me even harder than that was the Love that God has for us is even greater than the love a mother or father has for thier child. It is overwhelming.

The book of I John keeps running through my head. The greatness of God's love is impossible to comprehend! I often times think, "Do I really love this person?" I challange myself with the thought...would I give my life for this person? I would say 90% of the time I'd say yes even if I am not really close with the person. But 100% of the time Jesus said Yes! He loves us more than we can humanily understand.

"This is how we know what love is, that Jesus Christ laid down His life for us!"

A Long Time

Well, It has been a long time since I have last posted. Almost a year! I am going to try to keep up with this again, but life has been so busy. Unfortunately blogging is the first thing to go.
Let's see...the last year in a quick over view. I am working part time at a preschool. I wish I were actually teaching but rather I am speech and language tutor. There are many children in this particular program who only speak spanish or spanish is thier second language. I come in and help them learn english and work on pronounciations etc... It is so much fun. The children are great! I know that I am not suppose to have favorites, but there are those few kids that hold a very special place in my heart.
When I returned from Israel last December I did not return to my home church and was church "shopping". In April my home church approached me about working part time because the woman they hired was pregnant and needed to change her hours. I took advantage of that. So, I am back working at Free Christian Church part time. It has been a blessing!
My summer was not very exciting. Although, the head of the Children's department was on Sabbatical so there were three part time workers who ran the show. VBS was a success! We had over 200 children and over 100 volunteers. God showed up and worked amazingly through everyone!
Lets see the other big amazing things are that the church has opened a second site and the family of God is growing.
This summer my dear friend, Sara got married to the man of her dreams! It was a beautiful wedding and it was tons of fun!
And right now the most exciting thing is that my friend Anne had a beautiful baby boy! He is so precious!
Other than that life is just going along. I am taking hebrew and planning a trip back to Israel. I should be graduating with my masters in May and only God knows what will come next.
I will keep you all informed on things and share my heart!
Blessings!

Reflections on a New Year

Happy New Year!

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." II Corinthians 5:17

I know that this verse can be used for so many things and often times is taken out of context, but as 2009 is quickly approaching I have been meditating on this verse. This last Sunday, December 28, the Pastor was talking about reconciling or re-reconciling your life to Christ and making a commitment to turn on the sinful habits and ways of 2008 and commit 2009 to living a life of deep commitment to Christ. As you continue reading the passage Paul talks about what it means to live in Christ and be reconciled to Him. He has reconciled us to Himself by carrying all of our sins to the cross. He who was sinless took our sins upon Himself so that we could be in the presence of Himself.
As the new year comes I have been looking over the last year of my life. In some ways this year was very long and in other ways I feel like it just started yesterday. It is probably the hardest year I have had in my life thus far. But through it all the constant love and reconciliation to Christ has been there. God has never failed me, even though I fail him all the time. Even those times when I felt He was distant, He was still there.
2009 is going to be a year where I turn my back on the old habits, the luke warm times in Christ, and strive to live fully passionate and dedicated. Lord, please help me to live for you whole heartedly!

May this challenge you to live with the fire of the LORD burning in your soul.

Thank You!

Hello Everyone!
I deeply apologize. I have been very irresponsible with keeping up with my blog while I was in Israel, but I wanted to thank all of you who prayed for me while I was there. It was an experience that changed my life and the way which I read the word of God. It is almost like the Bible has become 3-D because I have visited these amazing places. I have had a difficult time summing up my trip in words. I would best describe it as a roller coaster. When I arrived I was on a high. I was simply in awe and amazement that I was waking up in the same place where David and Jesus and Paul and so many other people that I highly respect woke up themselves. But once I had been there for a while, and the school work began getting more intense, and we were going on trips every weekend, I had a very hard time and became very withdrawn. I never had anytime to rest or really spend any sufficient time to myself. I began feeling like my walk with the LORD was something on my checklist rather a growing relationship. This was very hard for me, but once I hit rock bottom things were great. I got my priorities in order again and put God #1 even at the expense of school and sleep and the Lord blessed above and beyond. I had unexplainable energy and God completely stretched my time and kept me healthy. But through out the entire time I never lost the thought that I was where Jesus was. I walked the streets that Jesus walked. I thought a lot about teens who idolize a movie star or rock star, and I felt a lot like that. I took pictures of stones that Jesus touched and got all giddy about going to Jericho where the walls fell down. I felt like a teen who had the privilege of experiencing a piece of their idols life. It was incredible.
Again, thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. Please do not hesitate to ask questions. I am much better at answering specific questions than I am at telling stories out of the blue.

Pictures from Samaria and Shevet Achim

The internet is up and running just enough that I could upload one picture at a time. It was a process but I wanted to share them with you.

This was the man who led us around the Zionist Colony. He was very passionate about everything he spoke on. He knew the land like the back of his hand, and the best part was that he grew up in New Jersey.

This was the Samaritan Priest that spoke to the group about who the Samaritans are today and what they believe. He was such a nice man, I pray that his eyes will be opened to the truth.

After the Samaritians slaughter the sheep or lamb on passover the remains goes into these covered holes in the ground and are burned.

This is the area where the Samaritan Priest slaughters each sheep/lamb. If you look closely at the back of the picture you can see that there are bleachers. Many people flock here during the passover season to watch this slaughtering take place.

This is when we were acting out the woman at the well. "Jesus", who is my good friend Matt was telling the Samaritan woman, me, that I had five men in my life...and I was ashamed. My friend Kaytlin is the well. We laughed a lot while taking these photos.

This is Dr. Paul Wright who is an incredible man. He and his wife run the school and he is also the physical settings insturctor. He is a brilliant man. The other lady in the picture is my good friend Leah.

Shevet Achim

This is Sara, from Shevet Achim. She is eight years old and is going in to Tel-Aviv today to have her heart surgery. She was a joy to be with. She was very shy, but warmed up quickly with lots of hugs, smiles, and laughs.

This is Hevi, she was twelve years old. She is still waiting for a date for her surgery. She definately acted like a twelve year old. At one point she was trying to take a picture of me and my friend Laura. We weren't positioned the way she wanted us to be so she came up and just moved our faces to the places she wanted them. When she wanted us to smile...she said, "Smile. STOP!" It took us a while to figure out what it meant, but she really meant for us to smile an stay still. She was sweet.

The men in this picture are Matt (on the left) and Peter (on the right). Kale (Kay-lee) is on Matt's shoulders. She was a ball of fire. We were playing hand games and she kept pulling tricks to try to tickle us and hit us in the face. We had so much fun! She goes in for her surgery on Tuesday. The little boy on Peter's shoulders is Meme. He is actually the son of a man who is getting ready to have surgery. It was so rewarding to be with these children and make and impact on thier lives.